how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
