Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
