There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
