My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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