last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
