So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
