I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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