She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
