just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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