he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
