Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
