Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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