found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
