about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So vagazzling was a success
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
