dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
