I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
