No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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