I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
