guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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