I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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