I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
