I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I love you. Go after that dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You are a genius and a whore.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
