duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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