We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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