Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
