Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
