She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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