Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
