Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
