you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
