New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
