her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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