Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
