That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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