Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
