I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
