btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
