First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
