I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
