If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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