I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A+ Viking dick
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
