i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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