Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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