My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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