You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
