WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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