I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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