he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
