from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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