Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
