My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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