He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
