First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
