My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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