Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
