Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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