what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
