Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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