Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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