Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
