how can u be prego again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
