He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
