Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
