Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
