Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
