The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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