Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
