We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
