First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
