Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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