I'm jealous of your bromance
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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