She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize