you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
