I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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