Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
