That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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