you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
