Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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