One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Congratulations! We have a period
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